Flying

BARRY FONE MUSIC

Barry takes to the sky - and comes back alive!

Since I'm a professional Avionics Technician by day at an FAA Repair Station, I've always wanted
to go up in a small plane, and for all the wrong reasons: I wanted to see for myself how much
the plane vibrates, and at which frequencies. Some of the stuff that comes in for repair seems
to work fine on the bench, but goes crazy if I tap it on the side. Sure, we have a vibration table,
but does that really reproduce the same vibrations that occur in actual flight? Things like that.

I've ridden many times in a large passenger jet, looked out enough windows and seen enough
ground terrain disappear when we climbed above the clouds, no big deal there. I really was
curious as to how flight in a small prop plane differs from the safety and comfort of a large jet.

Lo and behold, this past Christmas I opened up a small envelope from the wife. HOLY COW -
it was a gift certificate for a one-hour ride in a Cessna !!! This is not something that an aviation
company generally offers at any price, so she must have really talked to some people and
pulled some strings. Anyway, her phone conversation with the company (North Aire in Prescott,
AZ) revealed that it would be a nice little ride, during which I could even take the controls for a
minute or two, to get a quick feel for how it feels to "fly" an airplane - pretty cool I thought.

We arrived at the place, and I was ready with my clipboard and a bunch of pre-written technical
questions: Frequency of vibration, whether there really is a "relief tube" that body waste exits
from and gets all over the ADF antennas I work on which sometimes strangely resemble the smell
of urine, how loud it gets in the cockpit, if a small plane drifts all over the place, etc.

The pilot comes into the reception area, introduces himself, and informs me that I will be doing
99% of the flying, with him basically telling me what to do. GULP! He did say he would help me
on the landing, which was obviously a very welcome statement. But - anyone got a Xanax?

So we go out, unchain the plane (heavy winds the day before had moved it a bit, and I was
surprised that 2 guys could move it by hand) and proceed with the preflight check. Stick the
bottle thing with the probe up into the fuel tanks to check for clearness and water, check the tires
for exposed cord, move one aileron to make sure the other moves the opposite way, check the
wings and prop for dents, and the whole time I'm thinking "You want me to FLY this thing - you
gotta be F.....Kidding me!" But I was a big man and didn't show one b-bit of f-f-fear.

So we climb in, and right way I knew the plane was no good. The control panel was so badly
laid out, I never did find the 8 track player. I sat in the seat and couldn't believe they forgot to
install the clutch and gas pedal, and mistakenly put rudder pedals there instead. Hell, they're
the same size and shape - what do I need two wah-wah pedals for, I don't play this early.

Long story short, it was an incredible experience, nothing I could possibly describe in words.
The most trouble I had, incredibly, was taxiing down the runway and keeping the plane going
straight. I zig-zagged down the entire runway and never did get the hang of steering with only
my feet. But I didn't try to use the yoke to steer on the ground, so that puts us even so far.

Taking off would have probably been the coolest experience of my life if I wasn't so sharply
focused on steering straight just before we caught air. Thankfully, the Cessna was a training
plane and is designed to be very stable, and to more or less recover itself when I screwed up.
Not that anything was automatic, because it certainly wasn't. But flying the plane wasn't
nearly as difficult as I had imagined. Just pull back to climb, push gently to drop, and make
very subtle corrections to keep the wings level - that was about it for the moment.

Once we left the ground and began our climb, OH MAN it was cool and scary at the same time.
When we reached cruise altitude and leveled off, the whole thing became very enjoyable, and it
didn't feel like we were moving at all. Indeed, that particular plane only goes about 100 knots
to prevent morons like me from outrunning the cops. Can we just stay up here like this?

Everything was going great, nice and smooth. I made a few turns (which of course makes the
plane tilt) to get used to the technique (left yoke with a little left rudder). Then he asked if I wanted
to try a steep, 45 degree bank turn. Well, hell no I don't! Well, yes I do as long as you're here
to save my butt. The steep turns were pretty frightening, as your entire environment starts to
tilt at a crazy angle and the plane starts to drop since the lift is now coming from the side as much
as from below. It took me a while to remember to climb while turning to keep my altitude constant.

I forgot to mention my headset had a very loose microphone, and it wouldn't stay close enough
to my mouth to activate the voice-activated circuitry (VOX) without shouting. First I tried wrapping
the cord around my head to hold the mic in place, then I finally gave up and kept one hand on
the mic. Thankfully, flying generally only requires one hand anyway - as long as someone else is
there to operate the radios and hit the track change button when "Feelings" comes on.

When we returned and he pointed out the runway, I started wondering how in the world he expected
me to land on a pencil. Thankfully, it eventually grew into a cigar, then a billy club.
To my credit, without needing to be told, I noticed we were a little bit to the right of the fretless
guitar neck, and not exactly parallel to it either. So I finally assumed my position of "pilot in
command" (you'll notice I'm in the main pilot's seat) and did a couple turns to set us on course.

The closer we got to the ground, the more bumpy the ride got, and the more trouble I had keeping
the wings level. This was due to thermals, the fact that the runway is hotter than the surrounding
grass, and we were flying trough varying thicknesses of atmosphere. This being my first flight
(an unexpected one at that), I had that plane rocking back and forth like a see-saw, with what
finally revealed itself as the runway quickly coming at us. I remember thinking to myself, "You
can take over any time now - please?"

Finally, with what seemed like 5 feet before we hit, I felt the controls move as the instructor
mercifully took over and stabilized the plane. My rate of descent was excellent, as we hit very
gently and didn't even screech the wheels - well, I had the headphones on so maybe they did
screech a little :-) We slowed and taxied back to the parking area. This airport doesn't have
fly-through parking, so we had to stop and move the plane into its space by hand again -
another surprise. You can't back up the plane - no reverse gear on the steering column!

On the whole, the flight went very well, and the instructor was impressed that I made all my
in-flight adjustments smoothly and gently. Overcorrecting is the most common mistake rookies
make; I guess I'm used to doing precision adjustments on electronic equipment, and there is
often a short delay before some of the adjustments "take". Surely that experience helped.

As I mentioned in the beginning, I wasn't much concerned with the "freedom of flying", but
was EXTREMELY thrilled to operate that large, complex beast that takes so much concentration
and hand-eye coordination. I think I'm going to do it again soon, after I get out of the bathroom.

The FONE has FLOWN!